We all have a longing to both help others and to experience love. We cherish the relationships we have with our closest friends as family. In a world where we are constantly told how different we are, we hold tight the ones we feel a deep connection for. A feeling that rips at the heart of millions of individuals is to see one of their closest friends succumb to drug addiction. The love has been torn for their love of something stronger. We feel helpless, seeming to be settled on the assertion that there is nothing we can do. Sadness turns into judgment, which turns into anger. "How could you do this to your loved ones?" "What is wrong with you?" "Where is the old [insert name]?"
Eventually, there began serious cracks in my close friendship with an addict, and those cracks turned into gaping holes. Eight months went by before we spoke again. In that time, I began to felt guilt, and consumed with the idea that there is something I could have done differently. Although most of it will always remain out of your hands, I was astounded to realize all of the ways I was going about "helping" my friend were wrong. They were flat out wrong.
I began to lean about how social circumstances promote use as much as a chemical hijack of the brain. That each and every time a child experiences a traumatic event they are two to four times more likely to become an addict as an adult. That our materialistic and electronic consumption driven society leaves us empty on purpose but longing for greater "highs".
More importantly, however, I learned how to communicate with and love someone who is battling addiction. This story and list begins with my first trip to a rehabilitation center.
#1 - Humanize them
This is where rehabilitation centers fail. Instead of being the one source for hope and love, it becomes a place where they are treated as animals. It's like prison, only the food is worse. They are limited on things they can do and banned from basic activities based on previous actions from other addicts. Very few rehabilitation centers have trained staff that have a longing to help. Addicts can see this, and know they are in a place that doesn't truly care about them.
#2 - Give them other pursuits
You might be familiar with the Rat Park experiment created by scientist Bruce Alexander. The experiment was a direct response to a commercial Mr. Alexander had seen in the 80's where a rat was placed in a cage with two water bottles; one containing water and one laced with heroin and cocaine. Naturally, the rat became addicted and died. However, Mr. Alexander disputed these findings, claiming that it was more so because the rat had no other options. Surely enough, when the experiment was conducted with a vast array of tons, tunnels, and food, none of the rats became addicted.
We all thrive when we have activities that we can focus on. Activities that motivate us, distract us from our inner thoughts, and make moments where time seems to fly by. It is even more important for addicts to find these activities. This is not only to preoccupy their mind, but also to find purpose and pleasure in other avenues. When addicts feel there's nothing else to wake up to, why would they ever quit? Whether it's learning a new language or taking up a new sport, there is something out there to excite them. I promise you.
#3 - Be someone who won't leave
Addicts expect you to give up on them. Why wouldn't you, when everyone else has? Whether it is a father who abandoned them, or a mother who told them they would never amount to anything. They have been left to dry all their life. Many addicts cling to drugs as a sense of love that they never felt before. Show them that you do love them and that you are here to stay. Engage in conversation. Most addicts will be afraid to open up at first, so building up their trust is important. However, once you are able to break down that wall, addicts will find comfort in sharing things they thought they couldn't.
#4 - Decrease the pain and don't stress them out
As discussed in the introduction, social circumstances such as childhood trauma and abuse contribute to addiction. Many people seek drugs to help them forget these painful memories. It's natural for humans to run from pain and seek pleasure. Therefore, when you judge them and make them feel guilty, you increase the pain they feel. When you increase the pain, their mind looks for something that feels good. This is where many addicts relapse. Taking this a step further, relapses happen more frequently when an addict is stressed, so seek to not stress them out. It's a shame that our current war on drugs seeks to judge, ostracize, and place addicts into jail or poverty. In essence, we strip away the people who could give them love and compassion, limit their life pursuits, and place them in the very places that limit any chance for future success and happiness.
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